I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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