Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
