You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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