so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This beer is not sobering me up at all
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
