I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
and you fell through a lawn chair
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
