For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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