You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
