Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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