i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
