Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
