I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize