Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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