i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
