smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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