just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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