Non-Jews are for practice
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
