Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
