Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
