i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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