Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
