Can i not drive my cunt home
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
