Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
