I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
