Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
