dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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