Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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