i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
