his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
