i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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