The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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