I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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