I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
