I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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