you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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