I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
