i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
