Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
