my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
