I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize