I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
