My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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