please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
