Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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