you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
