I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
