he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
