Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
