I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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