yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
