apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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