when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
