wat bout pragnant strippers??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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