so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She announced her abortion via fbk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
