yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
