I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize