Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
