can u get pink eye on your cock?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
