I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
