I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
