I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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