would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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