Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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