I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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