Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
