I'm lost and stupid without you.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
